Recipes
Retro holiday recipes from the '80s and beyond — some delicious, some deeply questionable, all totally rad. Cooking these is entirely at your own risk. 🎄
53 recipes
Jellied Beef Mold
👀 Jellied. Beef. Mold. 👀
With commentary notes by yours truly. Please — double all ingredients for a crowd. It says so right there at the end of the recipe.
Veggie Appetizer Pizza
Party food that belongs next to a Sony Walkman.
A totally rad party staple from the crescent roll era — cream cheese, ranch dressing, and whatever veggies you have on hand. Perfect for any holiday bash.
Texas Caviar
The dip that puts fancy caviar to shame.
Black-eyed peas, black beans, roasted corn, and a punchy lime dressing — this Tex-Mex crowd-pleaser gets better as it sits overnight.
Creamy Cheesy Spinach Dip
Slow cooker magic for your holiday spread.
Frozen spinach, pepper Jack cheese, and a slow cooker — this dip basically makes itself. Serve in cherry tomato shells for maximum ‘80s presentation.
Spinach & Pepperoni Quiche
Quiche was the ultimate ‘80s party food.
Crescent roll crust, spinach, pepperoni, and Monterey Jack — this is the quiche that showed up at every ‘80s holiday party and was always the first thing gone.
Two-Cheese Shrimp Tarts
Fancy enough for a Dynasty dinner party.
Homemade pastry cups filled with a herbed cream cheese and ricotta filling studded with shrimp. These little tarts say "I tried" without saying "I spent all day in the kitchen."
Parmesan Puffs
Light, airy, and totally irresistible.
Golden choux pastry puffs showered in Parmesan cheese. Serve warm straight from the oven for maximum effect.
Crimson Bisque
Red, festive, and ready in minutes.
Tomato juice, chicken broth, and a splash of dry sherry make this quick bisque look like it took all day. Garnish with green onion brushes for extra ‘80s elegance.
Broccoli & Crab Bisque
Creamy, cheesy, and totally luxurious.
Leeks, mushrooms, broccoli, and Jarlsberg cheese come together in a rich cream-based bisque with crabmeat. This is the soup that made guests feel like they were dining at a five-star restaurant.
Tex-Mex Style Chili
A little spice for your holiday table.
Ground beef chili with diced tomatoes, green chiles, and a full packet of seasoning mix — this is exactly the kind of dish that showed up at every ‘80s potluck.
Tex-Mex Beans
Slow cooker beans with serious flavor.
Lentils, kidney beans, pinto beans, and bacon — all slow-cooked with tomatoes, garlic, and cumin. This is the kind of side dish that disappears before the main course.
Savory Sausage Dressing
The stuffing upgrade your holidays need.
Bulk pork sausage, mushrooms, rosemary, and herb stuffing mix — this dressing bakes up golden and savory and pairs perfectly with turkey or a holiday roast.
Lemon-Parsley Stuffing
Bright, herby, and perfectly seasoned.
Lemon peel, fresh parsley, marjoram, and thyme give this classic stuffing a fresh, vibrant flavor. Use it to stuff your turkey or bake it as a stand-alone casserole.
Potatoes Supreme
Mashed potatoes elevated to supreme status.
Fluffy mashed potatoes with cheese, egg, and a Parmesan breadcrumb topping. Can be made ahead and refrigerated — perfect for holiday entertaining.
Sesame Holiday Vegetables
A colorful, toasty veggie side.
Fennel, mixed frozen vegetables, and celery tossed with toasted sesame seeds, olive oil, and lemon juice. Festive, healthy, and ready in minutes.
Winter Greens with Cranberry Vinaigrette
The salad that makes the whole table look good.
Romaine, Belgian endive, cucumber, mushrooms, and avocado drizzled with a sweet-tart cranberry vinaigrette. Simple, elegant, and perfectly seasonal.
Pineapple Cranberry Relish
Better than anything that comes out of a can.
Fresh cranberries, crushed pineapple, navel orange, and sugar blended into a chunky relish that mellows beautifully overnight. A must for the holiday table.
Ambrosia
The food of the gods, ‘80s style.
Fresh orange sections layered with coconut and powdered sugar. A classic Southern holiday side that doubles as dessert.
Honey-Lime Fruit Compote
Fresh fruit dressed up for the holidays.
Apple, pear, kiwi, and grapes tossed in a honey-lime dressing. Light, refreshing, and the perfect counterpoint to all that holiday richness.
Ham and Rice Dressing
A hearty dressing with chestnuts and ham.
Roasted chestnuts, chopped ham, long-grain rice, and aromatics baked into a savory casserole dressing. A wonderful alternative to traditional bread stuffing.
Turkey with Apple Citrus Stuffing
The centerpiece your holiday table deserves.
A whole Butterball turkey stuffed with a fragrant apple, parsley, and orange stuffing. The kind of roast that makes the whole house smell like Christmas.
Orange-Glazed Turkey
Basted to golden perfection with orange butter.
A boneless turkey roast basted with fresh orange juice and butter, finished with an orange liqueur pan sauce. Pure ‘80s elegance.
Peppered Chutney Roast
Beef tenderloin worthy of a Dynasty dinner.
Beef tenderloin marinated in a tangy pineapple-Worcestershire mixture, coated in cracked pepper, and finished with a spoonful of chutney. The most dramatic main course you can serve.
Basil-Stuffed Lamb Roast
Butterflied leg of lamb at its finest.
A butterflied leg of lamb spread with a savory spinach, basil, and crouton stuffing, then rolled and roasted until perfectly pink. A showstopper for the holiday table.
Pork Roast with Pesto Stuffing
Pesto in a pork roast? Totally tubular.
A center-cut pork rib roast with pockets stuffed full of pesto, croutons, and sun-dried tomatoes. Pesto was the height of ‘80s sophistication — and this roast delivers.
Phyllo Roll with Cranberry Sauce
Buttery phyllo filled with ham, veggies, and cheese.
Layers of buttered phyllo dough wrapped around a savory filling of ham, vegetables, and melted cheese. Serve with cranberry sauce for the ultimate holiday presentation.
Gooey Iced Cinnamon Rolls
Those famous mall cinnamon rolls — at home.
Soft, pillowy yeast rolls filled with brown sugar and cinnamon, topped with a luscious cream cheese icing. These cream cheese-iced rolls were popularized in the ‘80s by a famous mall bakery chain. You know the one.
Cranberry Pumpkin Ring
Festive, fragrant, and totally show-stopping.
A pumpkin-spiced yeast ring filled with cranberry-orange filling and drizzled with a sweet orange glaze. The most dramatic bread you can put on the holiday table.
Parmesan-Walnut Bread
Quick bread with serious personality.
A no-yeast quick bread packed with Parmesan and chopped walnuts. Wrap it overnight for best flavor — then slice and serve with the holiday spread.
Spiral Breadsticks
Fun, twisty, and ready in no time.
Refrigerated breadstick dough wrapped around skewers and baked until golden. Sprinkle with sesame seeds or your favorite seasoning. The easiest fancy-looking thing you will ever make.
Bean Biscuits
Old-fashioned biscuits, simple and perfect.
Classic Southern-style biscuits made with lard, milk, and cold water. Thick, flaky, and golden — the kind of biscuit your grandma made.
Baked Cranberry Sauce
Put down the canned stuff.
Fresh cranberries baked with orange marmalade, pecans, coconut, and sugar into a rich, jammy sauce. Serve warm or chilled over fruit, ice cream, or alongside any holiday roast.
Tarragon-Wine Mustard Sauce
The most ‘80s condiment you will ever make.
Dijon mustard, dry white wine, olive oil, and fresh herbs whisked together in minutes. Pour into pretty little jars, tie a ribbon on top, and give it as a gift. Very Dynasty.
Gingered Holiday Chutney
Sweet, tangy, and totally giftable.
Fresh Anjou pears, sweet and hot peppers, raisins, and candied ginger simmered in brown sugar and vinegar into a gorgeous holiday chutney. Makes an excellent homemade gift.
Orange Streusel Muffins
The muffins that made breakfast special.
Classic vanilla muffins topped with a brown sugar-cinnamon streusel. Simple, comforting, and perfect alongside a cup of coffee on Christmas morning.
Classic Christmas Cake
The Bundt cake of your holiday dreams.
Cream cheese, butter, maraschino cherries, and pecans baked into a gorgeous Bundt cake with a powdered sugar glaze. Garnish with pecan halves and candied cherries for maximum ‘80s presentation.
Chocolate Dipped Brandy Snaps
The most elegant cookie in the tin.
Crispy, lacy tubes of spiced butter cookie dipped in Nestlé semi-sweet chocolate and rolled in nuts. Only six at a time — these need your full attention.
M&M's Party Cookies
The cookie that defined ‘80s holiday baking.
Classic drop cookies loaded with M&M candies in red and green for the holidays. The official cookie of every ‘80s Christmas party.
Eggnog Pie
Everything you love about eggnog, in pie form.
JELL-O instant pudding, dairy eggnog, a splash of rum, and Cool Whip in a graham cracker crust. This no-bake holiday pie is ready in minutes and gone in seconds.
Best Brownies
The Hershey's brownie. The classic. The one.
The famous Hershey's cocoa brownies with a creamy cocoa frosting. Dense, fudgy, and topped with a silky chocolate glaze. These are the brownies.
Rich Cocoa Fudge
Old-school stovetop fudge the right way.
The classic Hershey's stovetop cocoa fudge — cook to soft-ball stage, cool without stirring, then beat until glossy. The process is meditative and the result is magnificent.
Foolproof Dark Chocolate Fudge
Eagle Brand condensed milk makes it foolproof.
Semi-sweet chocolate chips melted with Eagle Brand sweetened condensed milk — the easiest, most reliable fudge you will ever make. No thermometer required.
Layered Mint Chocolate Candy
Three layers of holiday perfection.
Dark chocolate, creamy peppermint, dark chocolate again — this layered candy uses Eagle Brand condensed milk and semi-sweet chips. Cut into squares and watch them disappear.
Peppermint Ice Cream Torte
The frozen dessert that wows every crowd.
Pound cake layered with peppermint ice cream and frosted with cream cheese buttercream. Freeze ahead, sprinkle with crushed candy canes before serving, and take all the credit.
Pistachio-Almond Tartlets
Tiny, elegant, and completely addictive.
Cream cheese pastry cups filled with an almond-sour cream custard studded with pistachios. Top with a dab of currant jelly for maximum elegance. Can be made ahead and frozen.
Chocolate Macadamia Bars
Dark chocolate, white chocolate, macadamia nuts.
A dense, fudgy chocolate bar loaded with macadamia nuts and white baking bar chunks, dusted with powdered sugar. The most indulgent thing in the cookie tin.
Linzer Apple Torte
European elegance meets ‘80s holiday entertaining.
A hazelnut pastry crust filled with sliced apples and raspberry preserves. The kind of tart that makes everyone think you went to culinary school.
Steamed Cranberry-Cherry Pudding with Vanilla Cream
Old-world steamed pudding for the modern ‘80s host.
A classic bread-and-custard steamed pudding with dried cherries, cranberries, and pecans, unmolded and served with fresh whipped vanilla cream. The most impressive dessert you will ever attempt.
Apple Spice Egg Nog
The holiday punch bowl hero.
Borden Egg Nog mixed with apple cider and cinnamon. Three ingredients. Done. The easiest holiday drink that tastes like you planned everything.
Cranberry Cheesecake Shake
The shake that tastes like Christmas.
Cream cheese, vanilla ice cream, jellied cranberry sauce, and fresh cranberries blended into a rich, festive shake. Weird on paper. Amazing in a glass.
Hot Buttered Cranberry Toddy
Warm up from the inside out.
Cranberry juice cocktail simmered with lemon peel and cloves, finished with a pat of butter. Serve hot at any holiday gathering and watch everyone hold their mugs like they're in a Hallmark movie.
Spiced Eggnog Cocoa
Hot cocoa and eggnog had a delicious baby.
Instant cocoa mix spiced with mace, allspice, and nutmeg, stirred into eggnog and water. Top with pressurized whipped cream and a drizzle of crème de menthe for the full holiday effect.
White Grape Spritzers
The elegant non-alcoholic option.
White grape juice and lemon-lime soda over fruit ice cubes. Simple, sparkling, and works for the whole family — or add champagne for the adults.